A local hockey association outside Toronto issued a warning to all players and teams:  “anyone found to be disrespectful while shaking hands will be dealt with by the organization's discipline and ethics committee.” The issue: a group of players– ages 11 and 12– were aggressively hitting or tapping their opponents’ gloves.  The issue is by no means unique to hockey. In youth soccer matches, the ‘good game’ hand-slap at the end of the game can sometimes be so hard as to hurt an opponent’s hand. And sadly, it’s not just the athletes involved in this type of misbehavior. Highlight reels captured a coach tripping an opposing player during the handshake lineup. While teams are going through the motions of respecting their opponents, clearly the mindset and emotion are not quite what we all intended. So this month, we turned to the experts at Positive Coaching Alliance to ask: what exactly can and should we do to respect our opponents?

Olympic Gold Medalist and USA Softball icon Jennie Finch quoted Billie Jean King when she said: “pressure is a privilege.”  That pressure and the corresponding privilege comes when you have a strong, quality opponent. When your opponent challenges you to dig deeper, to try harder, to master a new skill in an effort to beat them. Let’s face it: without a worthy opponent, sports is not fun.  And while no one likes to lose, it’s also not that fun to always win and not be challenged.  True competitors and true athletes compete for the challenge of the competition.

So then how can we teach our youth athletes to embrace their opponents, to be thankful for the competition, and to respect their opponent?  The experts at Positive Coaching Alliance (PCA) gave us a wealth of insight that we’re passing on to Responsible Sport Parentsand Responsible Coaches (and even thinking about how it applies to our business life here at Liberty Mutual Insurance.):

Reinforce the idea that a worthy opponent is a gift.  Mike Legarza, a collegiate basketball coach, who has worked closely with PCA, uses a drill with his players to illustrate and reinforce the concept.  On the first day, he announces a game of tug of war.  But he asks all of the players to get on one side of the rope.  The players are usually dumfounded, wondering how it will work with no one on the other side.  As PCA Chief Executive Officer and Founder Jim Thompson says, “That is the point.  Mike uses this vivid illustration to point out the importance of having a worthy opponent.”

Drill For Sportsmanship.  We practice sports so that when we get to the game situation, our athletes’ actions are nearly automatic.  They know what to do and they are comfortable doing it.  So if we expect them to exhibit sportsmanship on the field, we need to practice that as well.  When you scrimmage, make sure your players are picking each other up after the hard hit.  When you finish practice, make sure you are ending practice with handshakes and respect.  

Seize Teachable Moments.  When we hear about or witness poor sportsmanship and disrespecting opponents, we as adults have an opportunity to use the incident as a teachable moment.  Lead a discussion with your team’s athletes about what they thought of the action and what they would have done. Allow your players to first come to their own conclusions.  But then continue the discussion with what you think of the situation, making it very clear that you will not tolerate unsportsmanlike behavior from your players and how you as the coach feel about Honoring The Game.  

Espouse a “Fierce But Friendly” Attitude. PCA’s Chief Impact Officer, Tina Syer encourages kids to play as hard as they can, whistle to whistle, scrapping for loose balls and never shying from appropriate physical contact. “But when that whistle blows, we help our opponents up.” That whistle means the fierce ends and the friendly takes over.

Thank Your Opponent – And Mean It. Real respect has the opportunity to show in those handshake lines.  While it might be cool to fist pump or glove tap, coaches who ask their teams to remove helmets and gloves, look their opponent in the eye, and shake (not slap) their opponents’ hands see that real respect can and will happen.  Encourage your players to say something specific to their opponents during that handshake line: if your opponent marked you well the entire game and made it tough for you to score, mention it.  Fill their tanks with respect for the tough competition they waged.

Cheer So They Can’t Tell.  Parents in the stands can respect opponents as well. The PCA team tells the story of a father who set this goal for himself: “I want to cheer for good plays by both teams so if someone doesn’t already know which team my kid is on, they won’t be able to tell from my behavior.”  That’s truly Honoring The Game and respecting opponents from the stands!

Jim Thompson has talked about the “devaluation of sportsmanship.”  Where sportsmanship was once a powerful ideal in our society, today the term has been weakened and diminished. “A soccer coach told me recently that in many soccer tournaments, a sportsmanship trophy is awarded.  He said the team that wins the sportsmanship trophy, which is seen as an unattractive consolation prize, never looks happy about it.  I also remember another instance in which a woman said that her high school basketball coach told her that if the team ever won a sportsmanship trophy they would have to run laps.”  

The team here at Responsible Sports hopes that sportsmanship is not considered a trite or devalued concept.  But we also hope that Responsible Coaches and Responsible Sport Parents go beyond the concept of sportsmanship and embrace the concept of Honoring The Game, including honoring and respecting opponents. What strategies do you use to reinforce Honoring The Game with your athletes?  What kinds of specific drills or activities do you use with your team to teach a respect for opponents?  What do you as a parent say to your child about the topic of sportsmanship and respecting opponents?  Email us at team@responsiblesports.com and share your insights – we love hearing from you. Or join us on Facebook and share your thoughts with our community of supporters!